Today I Cried

I am not sure why it started
I wanted to talk to you
You are just a phone call away
I let this pass
I let the emotions flow through my tears
I just wanted to be safe in your arms
I needed to hear your loving words
Whisper to me in your soothing voice the words to help dry the tears
You let me hold you
Today you asked me to be open to you
You hold me in your heart
You lift me up
Today I smiled.

My day

Yesterday was a wonderful day. It started a little earlier than I had anticipated, I have a manager that was opening for the first time on her own, and she had a problem with the safe count for our store. She was able to find the mistake but wanted me to know that it was short by $5.00. I was sure that the store safe was just fine, and well. She did find that it was. But I was already up a going by then. It was beautiful out side so it was hard to go to work but I was only going to be there for 5.5 hours. But the best part of the day was I had been asked to join about 30+ people to go celebrate a really old friends 39Th Birthday.
I remember hanging out with this couple at their cabin, riding snow mobiles and just having a wonderful time. It was really nice to get to see them again. After the birthday dinner we went back to their house and just caught up. It is amazing how time melts away when you are with people from your past. Before you knew it we where all feeling our "oldness" and it was time to go home. I guess I should have been feeling old, that was about well 2:30 in the morning, I enjoyed seeing those people from the past and seeing how their lives turned out.

Things I enjoyed today: Hugs from old friends, Smiles on faces of new/old friends, wearing new clothes that make me look hot, being told that even a gay guy thought I was hot, being told by someone I just meet how AMAZING I looked. FEELING FAB! Knowing where a friend is when she says being a stay at home mom is NOT Boring, because she gave a bath to a T-Rex today. Being ME!

My Current Life:

July 2010 is when I first started this blog as part of weight loss challenge, well I didn't do as well in the challenge as I had hoped for, as a matter of fact I think the competition actually made me gain a little weight....but that was then and this is now. I am now 146 pounds that is 41 pounds lighter than I was about 2 years ago. I am excited for the changes that I have made in me and the foods that I eat. I have so much more energy now and I am excited to look in the mirror, not to say, OMG your body is changing, but to say OMG look how your body is changing.

I am not afraid.

I know I can conquer any challenge, but with those come people who may not like the changes that are happening and may be going on their own way.

I recently learned that the man I had spent the last 18 years with was one of those people. Someone I confided so many of my deepest secrets with was one of the people I would be parting lives with. We started traveling down two different roads. His of wanting to be needed, and needing me and me of wanting more Independence and individuality.

It has been 3 weeks since we took some breathing space and we have both come to the understanding that we need a different type of a marriage. I know that we are suppose to adapt to our significant others needs, wants and desires. But I could not do that with out losing the one person I needed the most, ME. In the past few weeks I have discovered something about me, I really love to drive, I like doors opened for me, I like people to ask me if I need help carrying a bag instead of assuming that because I am an independent woman that I always want to do it on my own. I like to smile at people just to see if they will smile back, I love to flirt, I love to talk, I like to take a deep breath with out it meaning something is wrong, or that I want something. I enjoy people in general but I love my life long friends, new and old.

I needed to take a step back into me before I could start taking steps forward to knowing me and things I have desired for so long.

I took some time all alone this weekend, and I realized I lost me. My likes, desires, wants, needs, strengths, opportunities and most of all that it was and will be OK. I cried for the loss of that person, the one I had become the one that forgot to put herself first. To take care of the person you are and not what others want you to be. Be what the world needs.

I am strong , I am confident and I can do this.