My Current Life:

July 2010 is when I first started this blog as part of weight loss challenge, well I didn't do as well in the challenge as I had hoped for, as a matter of fact I think the competition actually made me gain a little weight....but that was then and this is now. I am now 146 pounds that is 41 pounds lighter than I was about 2 years ago. I am excited for the changes that I have made in me and the foods that I eat. I have so much more energy now and I am excited to look in the mirror, not to say, OMG your body is changing, but to say OMG look how your body is changing.

I am not afraid.

I know I can conquer any challenge, but with those come people who may not like the changes that are happening and may be going on their own way.

I recently learned that the man I had spent the last 18 years with was one of those people. Someone I confided so many of my deepest secrets with was one of the people I would be parting lives with. We started traveling down two different roads. His of wanting to be needed, and needing me and me of wanting more Independence and individuality.

It has been 3 weeks since we took some breathing space and we have both come to the understanding that we need a different type of a marriage. I know that we are suppose to adapt to our significant others needs, wants and desires. But I could not do that with out losing the one person I needed the most, ME. In the past few weeks I have discovered something about me, I really love to drive, I like doors opened for me, I like people to ask me if I need help carrying a bag instead of assuming that because I am an independent woman that I always want to do it on my own. I like to smile at people just to see if they will smile back, I love to flirt, I love to talk, I like to take a deep breath with out it meaning something is wrong, or that I want something. I enjoy people in general but I love my life long friends, new and old.

I needed to take a step back into me before I could start taking steps forward to knowing me and things I have desired for so long.

I took some time all alone this weekend, and I realized I lost me. My likes, desires, wants, needs, strengths, opportunities and most of all that it was and will be OK. I cried for the loss of that person, the one I had become the one that forgot to put herself first. To take care of the person you are and not what others want you to be. Be what the world needs.

I am strong , I am confident and I can do this.