My new day

ok. So I had a little break down the other day. I really needed to get a lot of the shock out of my system. Once I got over the shock of the whole situation I realized I had most of the answers I needed they wher in me and in the court documents from 10 years ago. I went back and did a lot of thinking, was there ever a time that I have ever gotten "CREEPY GUY" feeling from Lance? Was there ever a time when I did not trust him with my children? Was there ever any doubt in my mind that something happened to her at the same time as it did with my other daughter?

So here it is, No I never had any doubt that something happened to her. I have always questioned if there was something that did, and she was just not ready to tell me.

The words that keep ringing in my head is From Amy (Tylers Step Mother) "She didn't want to say anything she did not want you would lose your husband and Bailey would lose her Dad", "There had to be a reason that a girls does not want to live with her Mother." "You are in a safe place now that is why we thought it was time to tell you",
Words from my 19 year old son: "Mom, Amy (this is Tylers Step mom) told us that Trevor commited Suicide", "She (Amy) also said that she did not think it was Trevor at all, and she thought it was Lance all along".

Well if you thought this why didnt you say something 10 YEARS AGO!!!!

And now to go back and answer the question on Lance did I ever have "CREEPY GUY" Feeling? Was there ever a time that I did not trust him with my children? NO, NO And NO!

You see when we where in our court case for our youngest daughter with her abuser. All of the children where interviewed to make sure that there was nothing else going on, and I dont mean they where interviewed by us, I mean by the police, the Childrens Justice Center, a child therapist, the DA's attorney, and the DA's therapist. And I am not just talking once, I am talking several times over the 2 year period that the trial took place.

Lance was also put under the microscope, he actually had to do more interviews and had to be investigated by all the autorities in greater detail than even Baileys abuser. They had to make sure it was not him, as he was still in the home with the children. ALL 3 of THEM! All of them under the age of 10. They where worried for the safety of the children.

So some more details: Tyler stated that the abuse stopped at age 8, that was the time that Trevor was out of our lives. He had not been in our lives for about a year and a 1/2. She had a normal relationship with Lance, she was still her Dad, she treated him the same as she treated any person in her life, including her own father. She played, joked, laughed and genuinely loved him. This bond was solid until after earlier this year. After that time she started to withdrawl from us, she stopped reaching out to me and him. She started getting more and more involved with school activities to stay busy and away from her home (she lives with her dad and step mom).

So what is really going on here? Is there something in that house that makes her feel she needs to say things to make someone back off?

The reason I ask this is I have learned from my mother in law that Tylers Step mother will badger Tyler until she gets an answer. So is it really the correct answer or is it just what she needs to hear to back off?

Why does a teen age girl not want to live with her mother? Well guess what, I didnt want to live with my mother either! When I was 13 I thought I knew everything, so what happened to me, I got to live with my Aunt for a year. Then we tried home again just to find out it was not successful, So what was next? My Mother put me into an apartment, yes I lived out side of my home at the age of 15 I lived in an apartment, I was told if I missed school that I would not have my rent paid, I would not get food and I would have to support myself. Well it worked, I went to school every day, I made sure I got good grades. I checked in with my mother to let her know I was safe. And today we have a wonderful relationship. Sometimes you just have to let your kids grow up when they are ready. Be there for them when they fall and support them when they need you.

There does not need to be some underlying issue that you have to force a child to say, or convince them that there was something else going on. That is for you to deal with as an adult. Not to put your fears, thoughts or negative emotions on to a impressionable child that just wants to be loved and accepted.

So starting next week I am back to the therapists office to work through emotions that I thought I would never have to deal with under this context again in my life. Working though all the guilt, all the shame all the pain once again. Sorry that it happened to her and she did not have the confidence in me to tell me sooner, Sorry that she has had to carry a burden for so long.