Why

I am not sure of everyone that follows me, but if you are sensitive to things you may not want to read on this post is going to be a pitty party for me.

Yesterday I was told by my Daughter (the middle child) that she was molested by my husband the man that I have been with for her whole life (17 years), litterally, we went on our first date when she was a week old.

Today I had to tell him what I was told this and that I was not sure what the next steps would be, this is a total unforgivable thing for me. As a teen I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor, I told my mother and it was brushed off, oh we went to thier house and the adults talked. I was assulted two other times and never told. This is a pain I have held in my body, mind and heart for many years. Something that you think goes away but it does not. You just suppress it and pray for a day that it does not hurt as bad as it did the day before. So hearing this from her has had me in tears for almost 24 hours, I have fresh wounds and old wonds that I need to allow time to close.

He packed a few bags and left with tears in his eyes, begging that I belive him. I want to I also want to believe her. I pray that eventually she comes to me and says, mom it wasnt Lance, it was actually Trevor. I was just projecting it on Lance. But still will I be able to look this man in the eyes with the same passion as I did earlier this week. Will there always be the question, what if it is true, what if it was all a reality and I remained blind to this.

Our youngest daughter was sexually assaulted by his friend about the same time frame as she is stating that he was molesting her. So could there be some transferance?

Well, I wont be that mother that puts her child second. She is my daughter, she is much more important to me than anything or any other person in the world (except her siblings of course). She is my daughter and he is just a man.

He left me a note and this is what it said " I never, ever touched out kids innapproprietly. I would not, not after all what we have been through. I love you and our kids more than anything in this world. I will do what ever you want."

Is it wrong that I want him to stay safe, take care of himself get the help he needs, if this is true or not he is going to need to get some help.

She is in a safe place she is currently and has been living with her dad and step mom. They have been a true god send for me. I know that she will be safe with them.