Today I Cried

I am not sure why it started
I wanted to talk to you
You are just a phone call away
I let this pass
I let the emotions flow through my tears
I just wanted to be safe in your arms
I needed to hear your loving words
Whisper to me in your soothing voice the words to help dry the tears
You let me hold you
Today you asked me to be open to you
You hold me in your heart
You lift me up
Today I smiled.

My day

Yesterday was a wonderful day. It started a little earlier than I had anticipated, I have a manager that was opening for the first time on her own, and she had a problem with the safe count for our store. She was able to find the mistake but wanted me to know that it was short by $5.00. I was sure that the store safe was just fine, and well. She did find that it was. But I was already up a going by then. It was beautiful out side so it was hard to go to work but I was only going to be there for 5.5 hours. But the best part of the day was I had been asked to join about 30+ people to go celebrate a really old friends 39Th Birthday.
I remember hanging out with this couple at their cabin, riding snow mobiles and just having a wonderful time. It was really nice to get to see them again. After the birthday dinner we went back to their house and just caught up. It is amazing how time melts away when you are with people from your past. Before you knew it we where all feeling our "oldness" and it was time to go home. I guess I should have been feeling old, that was about well 2:30 in the morning, I enjoyed seeing those people from the past and seeing how their lives turned out.

Things I enjoyed today: Hugs from old friends, Smiles on faces of new/old friends, wearing new clothes that make me look hot, being told that even a gay guy thought I was hot, being told by someone I just meet how AMAZING I looked. FEELING FAB! Knowing where a friend is when she says being a stay at home mom is NOT Boring, because she gave a bath to a T-Rex today. Being ME!

My Current Life:

July 2010 is when I first started this blog as part of weight loss challenge, well I didn't do as well in the challenge as I had hoped for, as a matter of fact I think the competition actually made me gain a little weight....but that was then and this is now. I am now 146 pounds that is 41 pounds lighter than I was about 2 years ago. I am excited for the changes that I have made in me and the foods that I eat. I have so much more energy now and I am excited to look in the mirror, not to say, OMG your body is changing, but to say OMG look how your body is changing.

I am not afraid.

I know I can conquer any challenge, but with those come people who may not like the changes that are happening and may be going on their own way.

I recently learned that the man I had spent the last 18 years with was one of those people. Someone I confided so many of my deepest secrets with was one of the people I would be parting lives with. We started traveling down two different roads. His of wanting to be needed, and needing me and me of wanting more Independence and individuality.

It has been 3 weeks since we took some breathing space and we have both come to the understanding that we need a different type of a marriage. I know that we are suppose to adapt to our significant others needs, wants and desires. But I could not do that with out losing the one person I needed the most, ME. In the past few weeks I have discovered something about me, I really love to drive, I like doors opened for me, I like people to ask me if I need help carrying a bag instead of assuming that because I am an independent woman that I always want to do it on my own. I like to smile at people just to see if they will smile back, I love to flirt, I love to talk, I like to take a deep breath with out it meaning something is wrong, or that I want something. I enjoy people in general but I love my life long friends, new and old.

I needed to take a step back into me before I could start taking steps forward to knowing me and things I have desired for so long.

I took some time all alone this weekend, and I realized I lost me. My likes, desires, wants, needs, strengths, opportunities and most of all that it was and will be OK. I cried for the loss of that person, the one I had become the one that forgot to put herself first. To take care of the person you are and not what others want you to be. Be what the world needs.

I am strong , I am confident and I can do this.

My new day

ok. So I had a little break down the other day. I really needed to get a lot of the shock out of my system. Once I got over the shock of the whole situation I realized I had most of the answers I needed they wher in me and in the court documents from 10 years ago. I went back and did a lot of thinking, was there ever a time that I have ever gotten "CREEPY GUY" feeling from Lance? Was there ever a time when I did not trust him with my children? Was there ever any doubt in my mind that something happened to her at the same time as it did with my other daughter?

So here it is, No I never had any doubt that something happened to her. I have always questioned if there was something that did, and she was just not ready to tell me.

The words that keep ringing in my head is From Amy (Tylers Step Mother) "She didn't want to say anything she did not want you would lose your husband and Bailey would lose her Dad", "There had to be a reason that a girls does not want to live with her Mother." "You are in a safe place now that is why we thought it was time to tell you",
Words from my 19 year old son: "Mom, Amy (this is Tylers Step mom) told us that Trevor commited Suicide", "She (Amy) also said that she did not think it was Trevor at all, and she thought it was Lance all along".

Well if you thought this why didnt you say something 10 YEARS AGO!!!!

And now to go back and answer the question on Lance did I ever have "CREEPY GUY" Feeling? Was there ever a time that I did not trust him with my children? NO, NO And NO!

You see when we where in our court case for our youngest daughter with her abuser. All of the children where interviewed to make sure that there was nothing else going on, and I dont mean they where interviewed by us, I mean by the police, the Childrens Justice Center, a child therapist, the DA's attorney, and the DA's therapist. And I am not just talking once, I am talking several times over the 2 year period that the trial took place.

Lance was also put under the microscope, he actually had to do more interviews and had to be investigated by all the autorities in greater detail than even Baileys abuser. They had to make sure it was not him, as he was still in the home with the children. ALL 3 of THEM! All of them under the age of 10. They where worried for the safety of the children.

So some more details: Tyler stated that the abuse stopped at age 8, that was the time that Trevor was out of our lives. He had not been in our lives for about a year and a 1/2. She had a normal relationship with Lance, she was still her Dad, she treated him the same as she treated any person in her life, including her own father. She played, joked, laughed and genuinely loved him. This bond was solid until after earlier this year. After that time she started to withdrawl from us, she stopped reaching out to me and him. She started getting more and more involved with school activities to stay busy and away from her home (she lives with her dad and step mom).

So what is really going on here? Is there something in that house that makes her feel she needs to say things to make someone back off?

The reason I ask this is I have learned from my mother in law that Tylers Step mother will badger Tyler until she gets an answer. So is it really the correct answer or is it just what she needs to hear to back off?

Why does a teen age girl not want to live with her mother? Well guess what, I didnt want to live with my mother either! When I was 13 I thought I knew everything, so what happened to me, I got to live with my Aunt for a year. Then we tried home again just to find out it was not successful, So what was next? My Mother put me into an apartment, yes I lived out side of my home at the age of 15 I lived in an apartment, I was told if I missed school that I would not have my rent paid, I would not get food and I would have to support myself. Well it worked, I went to school every day, I made sure I got good grades. I checked in with my mother to let her know I was safe. And today we have a wonderful relationship. Sometimes you just have to let your kids grow up when they are ready. Be there for them when they fall and support them when they need you.

There does not need to be some underlying issue that you have to force a child to say, or convince them that there was something else going on. That is for you to deal with as an adult. Not to put your fears, thoughts or negative emotions on to a impressionable child that just wants to be loved and accepted.

So starting next week I am back to the therapists office to work through emotions that I thought I would never have to deal with under this context again in my life. Working though all the guilt, all the shame all the pain once again. Sorry that it happened to her and she did not have the confidence in me to tell me sooner, Sorry that she has had to carry a burden for so long.

Why

I am not sure of everyone that follows me, but if you are sensitive to things you may not want to read on this post is going to be a pitty party for me.

Yesterday I was told by my Daughter (the middle child) that she was molested by my husband the man that I have been with for her whole life (17 years), litterally, we went on our first date when she was a week old.

Today I had to tell him what I was told this and that I was not sure what the next steps would be, this is a total unforgivable thing for me. As a teen I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor, I told my mother and it was brushed off, oh we went to thier house and the adults talked. I was assulted two other times and never told. This is a pain I have held in my body, mind and heart for many years. Something that you think goes away but it does not. You just suppress it and pray for a day that it does not hurt as bad as it did the day before. So hearing this from her has had me in tears for almost 24 hours, I have fresh wounds and old wonds that I need to allow time to close.

He packed a few bags and left with tears in his eyes, begging that I belive him. I want to I also want to believe her. I pray that eventually she comes to me and says, mom it wasnt Lance, it was actually Trevor. I was just projecting it on Lance. But still will I be able to look this man in the eyes with the same passion as I did earlier this week. Will there always be the question, what if it is true, what if it was all a reality and I remained blind to this.

Our youngest daughter was sexually assaulted by his friend about the same time frame as she is stating that he was molesting her. So could there be some transferance?

Well, I wont be that mother that puts her child second. She is my daughter, she is much more important to me than anything or any other person in the world (except her siblings of course). She is my daughter and he is just a man.

He left me a note and this is what it said " I never, ever touched out kids innapproprietly. I would not, not after all what we have been through. I love you and our kids more than anything in this world. I will do what ever you want."

Is it wrong that I want him to stay safe, take care of himself get the help he needs, if this is true or not he is going to need to get some help.

She is in a safe place she is currently and has been living with her dad and step mom. They have been a true god send for me. I know that she will be safe with them.

What will be will be...

So this week has been quite an adventure. Between the everyday things, not really working to many hours, taking care of dogs and family. You see my Mother in Law was in a car accident and well basically totaled her car on the 10th I think. Then on Saturday the 13th we where rear ended while going to a baby shower she was in the car and it re-aggravated the neck pain that she was had from her accident. AUGH! could anything else happen yes... our niece was in a head on car accident on Wednesday night the 16th of February, She is still in the ICU on breathing and feeding tubes, Had surgery on her legs (they where broken) and her face she has been put into a comma to allow swelling and healing to start for her. She has 4 beautiful sisters that the plastic surgeon was able to use as examples of how she should look, and our family is praying for a quick and successful recovery for her.

Does a person need more challenges? Of course I do.

I got a strange call, it was strange because it was from my mother. You see she was in her room, and I was in the living room (we live together). She says, I am feeling a little dizzy. OK, so I go up to check on her, and she is as white as a ghost, and was having dry heaves.
Well she had been sick the last couple of weeks and I thought maybe it was just that she got out of bed to quickly. Well the feeling did not pass for her after about 20 minutes, so I did some quick research and found that it could be a number of things, so off to the Insta Care it was for her. Quick side note: Thursday afternoons not the best time to go to the Insta Care. Can you believe it was an hour wait! OK back to the story: So we finally get into the triage room and her blood pressure was SKY HIGH... it was 197/?? (sorry forgot the bottom number) and after she got into the room to wait for the doctor, well it was not any better, the Dr drew some blood a CBC and Chem panel, and well her white blood count was over 32,000, so to put this into perspective normal is 10,000. So the doctor says to me, she needs to get to the emergency room right now, do you want me to call and ambulance, I said I would take her the hospital was 10 minutes up the road, and it would have taken that long for the ambulance to show up. We get to the emergency room and her blood pressure is now a bit higher, now at 207/?? I am starting to freak just a little! The doctor thinks that she might be having a stroke...no help at all on her blood pressure or mine!
So we are admitted to the ER room 3 (my lucky number). So they draw a bunch of blood again a CBC/Chem panel, then some more to do cultures on her blood. They are checking for everything! Making sure it is not a blood infection, rechecking the tests to see if the count is as high as it was an hour ago, and so on. The next and subsequent blood pressure readings are much lower but still really high, lowest I saw and took record of was 168/108. I don't like it one bit! She needs to get down below 140/80 to be"normal" I would like to see her in the 130 range on her upper number.
She is now my new project, this year she is going to lose weight, get her blood pressure under control and get out of the "at risk for diabetes" category. Hope she is ready for all the walking and early mornings or late nights she and I will be having starting as soon as we know if this is leukemia or not, and even still she is getting healthy.

But there is light at the end of my tunnel! Tuesday the 15th I went to the Gateway Mall Bath and Body Works for a job interview for a CSL (Team Lead type of a position). And, well I GOT the JOB! I start Monday the 21st. I am so excited! I will be working a LOT the next 2 weeks so I can have training, I have Sunday/Tuesday off this week. Working at total of 24 hours this week and I hope next week too! This is my next step to moving on to manage my own store!

I Love my Husband for being there for me and knowing just what I need. Giving me the time to rest and to hold me when I needed it. All with out asking just knowing what I need.

Where does the time go? And what have you been up to?

It is almost Valentines day and I am super excited. Bought Bailey a necklace today to give to her, it is so cute, it looks like a pea pod with a pearl pea in it. I loved it so much that she is giving me the same one for Valentines day!

My husband and I started a new blog it is called MUNCHING WITH THE MADSENS but with out all the spaces. We are using foods with lower calorie counts and different ways of prepairing food. It has been a lot of fun and we have been trying to put at least 4 recipes on it per week. I thing the most fun is the conversation that we have while making the foods and then loading them onto the blog, sharing hints and tricks we have learned along the way in our 0ver 15 years of cooking together.

I love being so busy with Family and Friends, work and life. It is amazing how much a person can do when you put your mind to having a good time.

Time again to make some magic in the kitchen! Tonights dish Spicy shimp noodle bowl. Gotta love those Pampered Chef Cook Books!

So what have you been up to? Any new weight loss challenges? Any new ideas for getting exercise in the winter months?

Where I am today.

When I started this blog it was because it was a requirement as part of a weight loss competiton. But now I like it just because it is somewhere I can come and just let go of all the things that are consuming space in my mind. I get a chance to just sit and check in with me!

Today I feel wonderful. I have had a pretty busy week. Picked up an extra shift at work last night and it was so much fun! I know worka nd fun in the same sentence! Well it was a lot of fun.

My youngest daughter fell the other day and may or may not have broken her foot we have to wait to see what the x-rays say. So she is hobbeling around in a walking boot, it is kind of fun to see her. She is such a trooper not a lot seems to effect her. She always has a smile on her face and is happy.

Today we went shopping, we get a little cabin fever if we dont get out of the hose at least once a day! We took both the girls they had gift certificates to use at Old Navy and Target. Out missle daughter pipes up after the first store and says " you know there is a Chick-fil-a before we get to the next stop! So as parents who know how to read between the lines....we stopped and grabed a bite of lunch.

Going to make dinner with my husband , night for now!

Wow have I been consumed by life that much?

I just realised that it has been 3 yes I said it 3 months since my last post. So what in my life has been all that consuming? It is said to start from the present and work backwords and that will help you remember, let me give it a try!

I gave myself a facial today, washed and set my hair so that it would look pretty today (I had to work) I have been substitute teaching for a preschool that I used to work at out in Draper I did that yesterday. I had to make dinner, you see I say had because I really did, my husband cooks, (I think I said something about that in an earlier blog). And well he is out of town this week, so if I dont cook we will all starve! I was going to have a chick flick movie night but then I got to tired!

I have been working a part time seasonal job, looking for a full time higher paying job/career....being lazy now that it is cold and snowy here I really dont want to be outside much, but I do take adventure days. For example last week we went to dinner with my dear friend Marinda and her family, we had Indian (like from India) food, it was nice she and I shared an entree. Then after that we went to frozen yougart, I remembered how much I loved that stuff, I ate cheesecake and pumpkin flavors with a small amount of oreos mixed in.

I love to make a menu and then go do the grocery shopping we did that on Saturday this week.

I also on Saturdays volunteer for Bountiful Baskets as a site co-ordinator, it is a lot of fun and we get so many good vegetables. That takes a WHOOPING 2-3 hours! HUMM...

Nothing so far that consumes my time so much that I cant come on here and tell you all about my life, at least once a week!

Oh yeah I did deep clean the bathroom, but still that does not take 3 months.

Baby steps

That is all it takes, when I feel like I cant walk an other time around the park I say, well lets go as far as the birds see how you are doing, then I bet I can make it to the other entrance, then it is I can make it to the pond, then I am right back around and made it that second time! It helps to have a great walking companion that has a lot of stories to tell and a great set of ears to listen when I need to tell her mine. Thanks for being there. I hope that all of you have a someone that no matter what you do, no matter how long it has been since you have talked no matter what that person will be there for you. I guess I am lucky to have many of them in my life. No matter what, I know I have someone that is there to hear me out. Or that I can be the sounding post for them.
This week has been a challenge for me, I am looking for a job! I dont want to work in an office that I am strapped to a phone all day. I want some varitey! I am looking for full and part time work, I need to do something. My husband has a job that he is happy with and I am glad that he has the freedom that he needs. But like most of us the one income is just not enough! I need to feel as though I am giving our finances the 100% that I know I am capable of today I do not!
But yet again back to the baby steps, send out the resume's, call to follow up on them and hit the ground running.
Weigh ins are tomorrow, cant wait to see the final progress report for this week. Ta ta for Now! (TTFN)

still on the right track

I got on the scale this morning and I was pleasantly suprised it is all working the walking, the eating right foods, bumping up protiens. I am 6 pounds down from the 10 I gained last month. So 4 more to go to get back to my starting weight! Oh the frustration. But I will win. One meal at a time, one walk at a time.

Did not get on the scale today!

So today was a walking day, but for how I am feeling I most b n the right track, so I let myself have a little treat day! I ate 1/2 a popsicle (banana Yum) 2 snack sized milky way and a sugar free black cherry soda! I did eat great all the other meals though! I had a scrambled egg on 9 grain toast for breakfast, then a snack after walking of a necterine, cheese cubes (cheddar and pepper jack) water and some beef jerky! For dinner we are having a layered taco salad, lettuce, black beans, salsa (hum I think I will make this myself), cheese and ground turkey with taco seasoning mixed into it , corn oh and the "crutons" will be corn bread! I saw this idea on a cooking show this week and I have all the fixings so why not! Scale is still agreeing with me and telling me I am back on track, this is my cycle week and I am down 5 ounds since the last weigh in so not to shabby!

Its working!

Ok so for the last week I have kicked up the exercise and already seeing a BIG difference! Already down 4 pounds since the last weigh in. I know some of you may be thinking that is a big weigh loss for a week. But really it is not. I have not been eating differently still eating meals and snacks, not depriving my self of a treat here and there, I have just added walking, the most I walked in a day was 3 miles in an hour! The average has been between 1.5-2 miles a day.

There is a quote out there that says " inside me there is a skinny girl crying to come out and I can usually shut her up with a cookie" or something along those lines. I laughed the first time I read it, but now I listen to that skinny girl. I dont shut her up with a cookie, I feed her with vegetables and fruit, a good healthy walk and water! So much nicer that the internal badgering that I have been going through!

A Little about me!

Challenge for the week: Intorduce your self, tell a little why you are in the compitition!

Ok I am in this competition because my friend asked me to join it with her. Checked the budget, the mirror the size of my pants and signed up!

I have always been on the petite side (small framed). I have not had to really worry about weight for most of my life but I was like most girls, I thought I was "FAT" What I realize now is I would like that "FAT" body back! I wore a size 0 or 1 most of my high school years I atribute this to all the dance classes I was in Tap , Jazz, Ballet and Sunshine Generation.

It was not until I was 19 and had my first baby that I knew what being heavy was, going to see the Dr and him poking my hip bone and telling me I needed to be more active as he could no longer feel that bone, then after having him not taking off the weight that I had gained with him.

Then I started dancing again, I had a group of friends that liked to go Country dancing. Oh boy was this fun! I danced my ass off (literally). I had gotten back into a size 5 I was so excited!

Then came baby # 2. For the longest time you did not even know I was pregnant! (I actually met my husband of 15 years when I was 3 months pregnant...He had no idea! ) Well I went through that pregnancy all alone, her daddy came back into the picture the month before she was born! But we decided that we were just going to be friends.

Ok back to the story you want to hear! Body bounced back for the most part I was sitting at a size 7.

Current Hubby and I started dating when daughter 2 was one month old. Had to stay sexy for the dating time right, well then getting comfortable in the relationship added a few pounds, then baby #3 and that is what happened! The girls are only 16 months apart! The body was never the same again, slowly as a stay at home mother of 3 the sweats took over the closet and little by little the jeans just kept getting bigger and bigger! The top I got to was almost ready to move into a size 18, my biggest weight 190!

Went on a fad diet lost 50! gained almost all of it back topped out that time at 187. That was the day I dig in my heals and said NO MORE! I will get healthy. And the timing was right, about 4 months later I heard from my friend about the challenge! I was already on the way down on the scale and maybe this was the push I needed!

Since 2008 I have not weighed more that 170 pounds. Every year I strive to find new ways to keep me on the right track, one day at a time some times one meal at a time. We are all in control of our health, I let mine slip along with eating habits of my family.

So today I tell you this is not just about me, it is about teaching my children how to make the right choice, We chose to be healthy! Variety is the spice of life, GO EAT A RAINBOW!

ok why does life get in the way...or is it just me?

How am I going to make this if I cant even reach my own goal that I set for me? So last week I was really down on myself for not following through on the weight loss challenge. Today I am down because I did not blog every day like I wanted to. Today though I am taking a step to make sure my blog is completed on a daily basis. As I try to type and inbetween thoughts for the moment I am writting out post it notes and I will be posting them every where I can think. One will be to remind me to do my blog so far I have 3 places that I can think to put them, my debit card, my bathroom mirror and my light switch! I think I will stick with those three places for now. So far so good though! I have added walking for an hour per day. This is amazing how this has helped with my stamina and energy levels! I seem more alert this week! I have been on the scale a lot watching what is happening with my body, I have already noticed that my thighs are getting thinner, my Muffin top is almost gone and I am standing straighter and more proud of who I am and what I am doing for my long term health! So today is a new day, new goals (actually start blogging daily) and maintaining healthy eating habits and exercising even for 30 minutes a day!

OMG where did this come from?

So today was weigh in day for the Weight loss challange. And I have to say I am very disapointed in the results! Time to buckle down and make sure I am doing all the right things for my health! Today is the day to get on and CRACKING. Time to whip this body in shape! I have to say I have felt a little more tired and run down this last month, I thought it was the no AC thing, but now I am thinking it was my body sending me signals that it was time to refocus and pay attention to it, and it rebelled by giving me what I was allowing, more weight! I am done! by this time next month I will be back on track 2-3 pounds per week. I will be counting every calorie and blogging every day. I will be out enjoying the wonderful weather and walking until my legs fall off. Hope the dog doesnt mind we are not coming back when she gets tired, only when she has to drag me back. I love myself and I am done being a slave to this chubby body! TIME TO GET THE SEXY BACK!

oops I did it again

We have not had internet since my last post. We have been focused on packing so that we could get back to Salt Lake for my husbands job that he is now in Chicago training for. I am happy for us and the new comfortable adventure that we are about to embarq on. Bad new is I think the altitude and the poor eating while packing has made me go backwards on the journey to the new me. Tomorrow I start again.

That is the beauty of this whole thing, we can fall get back up and try again, figure out what went the wrong direction and get back on course!

Next thing BEG for a pass for this month and start a new!

oops

So as some or most of you know I am in a weight loss compitition. Well one of the requirements is to blog about this... Well guess what with all the packing and getting ready to move and my cold. Well I screwed up, I hope I can be forgiven. I did not blog for over a week.

I think I am doing quite well. I may not be the fastest loser but I am making great progress. I am getting on the scale to check my progress and I was down 10 pounds about a week ago. Now I will not hold myself to that as life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you are not looking. Perfect example today I was on the scale and it said I was only down 6 pounds. But down is still down. I am looking for a steady decline and not something so rapid that it shocks my body into starvation mode. I work in an office with a lot of people that have some great hints and tips to keep on the down ward motion, some of them I have tried to incorporate. YES Kari adding more protiens was one of them... but do you know why? Eating Protien is a way to boost your metabolism and burns more fat, in addition to helping perserve and build lean muscle tissue. You see the one thing I have learned in the 3 years of working for Life Extension is ask the WHY? I was not sure I wanted to add more protiens to my diet, I was thinking more fiber for bulk so that I feel full and would not want to eat more. But no... I have started snacking. This is helping me stave off the " I AM STARVING" that happens sometimes between meals. I admit, I may not always be chosing all the right snacks YET. But definatly am more in tune with what I am consuming and looking for the signals that something is going right here!

Vacations

I like to go on Vacations and thought it would be harder to eat healthy when I do, but what I have really learned that eating healthy is a choice too. I can chose to eat the foods that others around me are eating (even if they are not the best) or I can make sure I have the foods with me that are healthier. This last week we spent the week with my cousin her husband and 7 children. It was a great time, and yes we ate healthy meals, it was not hard, we included salad with dinner, fruits and vegetables during the day. The kids where all for it. I think it made it easy for us too, they already eat healthy. I am a little jealous as they can have a garden, you see they live in the country of California. The weather is nice and they have an acre of property to live on (well with 7 children they need the space). They have chickens that lay fresh eggs and a crazy dog that keeps them all wondering what she will do next.

I am down a few pounds from the begining of this challange. I have been trying to keep my stress levels in check so that I do not allow the cortisol levels to rise, triggering my body to store fat instead of burn it, I have learned that napping is my friend and that is a way for me to recharge, for some it is exercise to control stress for me it is the good old nap. The bills will still be there, the food will still need to be prepaired, the cats like to cuddle and the dog snores a little bit, but communal napping is my friend. The funny thing is that there was an article on just this topic in the latest "real simple" magazine, and it is nice to know I am not alone.

Todays weigh in 151.9 YAHOO! on the right track. Watching what I am eating but I am not stressing about the calories, listening to my body more, it will tell me what I need, and it is not that coke...Still on my journey many miles to go, people to meet and adventures to do. Good luck to us all and as my cousin Kathy says....GODSPEED!

Weekends

I love weekends!

I did not track much of my food for the weekend, but I seem to stay pretty close to my 1300-1600 goal, when I did a rough estimation.

I was a little discouraged when I got on the scale this week, and was greatful that we only weigh in once a month! I have gained 4 pounds. I think it is because I am about to start my period. I think all you ladies know about that prep period bloating and water retention. I have been staying hydrated, it is 106 here today! and I think that is in the shade.

I had a kind of stressful week the last 2-3 weeks, I am glad that the tension in out house has lifted and we are back on talking terms. Finances seem to be getting tighter and tigher. Maybe that is because in a year maybe a year and a half we are thinking about moving back to Utah. Only 4 hours up the road from where we are in Vegas. So I can still come and visit here or up North more often, we really need to get somewhere where it is less stressful, not so busy and has some elbow room. I love my neighbors, but I really need some more space. Somewhere I can grow my own vegetables, and have a few animals to raise so that I know what they have been feed, and know what I am putting into my body. Closer to fishing and hunting with family and friends.

I would love to get my business off the ground: I am going to train to be a Parneting with love and logic coach! This has been a draem of mine for many years and I need to just do it. Take a leap and dont look back....but first things first. Getting a home in Cedar City and some money together to buy some land.